Some Feelers/Alan the Bacteria

And we sat there in the Christmas vibe, in the dark, talking about our anxieties of being in our twenties. We agreed it was a good day, it was the best day in a long while, but these are the things you just can’t escape. I’ve said it many times already, but it’s been a bad time leading up to Christmas.  Maybe it’s a millennial thing. As in we’re all in that precarious part of our lives when our certainties are being pulled out beneath our feet. You lost someone dear to you. I’m sorry is all I can say. Me, I’m lost. I’m standing on cracking ice. Everyday I see a piece break. But this is nice. It’s nice to laugh with you. It’s all we got, and I think I’m understanding who you are and why you do the things you do. Maybe.

The truth is I’m more afraid than I ever been. But it’s not something you can give in to because that’s death. That right there will eat you up and shit you out a broken person. I want to say it’s time to say goodbye to dreams. But I think I’ll hang on in secret.

I don’t sleep well these nights. I dream a lot. I dream too much that I wake up to you deeply asleep. My mind is a blur at 3 AM. I should be doing something, but I don’t know what to do. Sleep is good. Sleep is relief.

This is the time for fiction. I’ll pull something pretty from all this ugliness. With these fingers, I’ll paint a pretty picture. I am bacteria in a petri dish. Let me try again. No that’s all I got. I am vibrantly vibing with my bacteria friends. We’re growing and growing, and there’s music playing. It’s sorta like Osmosis Jones, but not really because we’re not in some guy’s body. Oh fuck! It’s that giant eye in the sky, but it’s cool cause it looks friendly and squinty. We got it all down here. Whatever you can think of. We got buildings made of bacteria. We got Mcdonald’s, but it’s bacteria Mcdonalds and they got bacteria cheeseburgers. We’re multiplying! I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but it made me happy so I’m posting it.