I wonder about my own perspective a lot. I can’t tell whether the things I experience and see are true. And I know if I can change my perspective on a lot of things, I wouldn’t be such a miserable person. But then it gets more complicated if you consider others’ perspectives. Is living just a series of exchanges between people’s perspectives –this attempt to make sense of each other’s understanding and trying to fill in the blank? It’s overwhelming thinking that every one of your actions can elicit multiple interpretations from different people. The only sane thing to do is not consider anyone but yourself because you’ll never really know what another person is truly thinking. And maybe that’s why life’s better for selfish people…

The weird thing is I can’t turn my brain off to others. And I can’t tell if I’m overthinking or there’s actually something there. But even then, does it matter if I notice how a person feels or reacts to things? I try to tailor my actions and words to them. Somebody told me you’re not meant for everyone. Somebody also told me that if everyone likes you, then you’re doing something wrong in life. This is good for me. Self-advocacy; if you can’t advocate for yourself then no one else will.  I’m sure you can’t be extreme about any of these things either. Otherwise, you’re an asshole. So again, it’s about balance?

And then there’s projection. It’s also a matter of perspective. How can people not project when they only have their perspectives? Isn’t that just functioning as a person –to take in whatever’s happening around you, try to process that, and then react to it? But I think projection is when you fucked up and didn’t consider that your interpretation could be wrong. So you’re an accidental asshole. God, I sound like a robot trying to be a person. But this is stemming my fear of overreacting.

This is why I get tongue-tied. So much is lost in translation between my brain to my mouth. I wish my words could truly capture what I’m feeling and thinking. But it often comes out in an anti-climactic slurry: ‘duh, nice weather heh’.  Very rarely do I string together a coherent, meaningful thought in conversations. It’s like playing guitar hero, and you have to hit all the right buttons. Subject. Verb. Object. Oh no you messed up! I steam potatoes? Words are hard.