Our consciousness scrambled and blended together. I saw you in an electric, iridescent glow. I could see the currents running across your skin. I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I saw your skin melt until you were bones. I saw you at your end. I wanted nothing more than to waste away my life with you. Only that wasn’t true.

 

I didn’t know you could lose yourself in another person. I thought we could lift each other up. We both tried until we went insane. We were each other’s black hole.

 

I left half of my mind with you. I don’t know why it has to be ultimatums. But it just does.  Life makes you sacrifice regardless. I just never thought we needed to sacrifice each other for happiness. Among my friends and family, you were the most precious. I never wanted to let you go. I blame romantic movies and pop culture romance. They make you think this magical person will come into your life and make you happy. But when I finally quit my whining, I know I’m to blame for being gullible. I learned too late my happiness is my own responsibility.

 

Becoming strangers scares me. It’s been some time since I last saw you, and I can’t say we’re the same people anymore. Part of me wishes to retreat to the past, but I know that’s my weaker half speaking. The past feels stable to say the least. It’s extreme to say but this felt cataclysmic. I lose myself in LA, and the surrealism eats at my sanity sometimes. Sometimes I have conversations that don’t feel real. I talked to this person for hours and I never got his name. It was all gibberish.

 

At the end of this, I just hope it was worth something, anything; I hope we grow in the ways we wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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alanwrites

unadulterated writing straight from my head entiendoenglish@gmail.com