Dear you,

I’m happy to hear from you, though I’m sad to hear you’re going through so much. I want to steal away your pain and sadness, but I read that’s a toxic thing to wish. You should want that person to become stronger through those experiences. And it sounds like you are. Protect yourself. Try to limit one on one time with him. I don’t know the reasons why you’re not eating, but do your best to. I know you are. I hate September too, and I’m counting down the days until October.

I’m flying to Portland. We’re going to zipline through the woods, see strippers, eat oysters by the water, and have a layover in Vegas, where we have to ride a roller coaster, smoke cigarettes on the strip, and get some good food. I hope you have an adventure you’re looking forward to. Give my best to your family for me. My mom asks about you a lot, and I tell her I pray for you. Pet Halo and Bebe a little longer for me.

I think I understand the lucidity and half consciousness. I’ve spent many days wandering  through LA in a similar state. It all feels like a dream sometimes, you know? I scare people when I have extensive conversations with myself. But it makes me laugh. I’m proud that you’re becoming a capable dietitian! It probably means little to nothing coming from me though. Lately, I haven’t been writing as much. I feel like the words are hiding from me.

Hang in there. You’re almost there. It’s only a phase, and good things are waiting around the corner as well.