The cebollas make me cry
through the small window
I smiled at the customers
The tink and tank of clean kitchenware
Broken Spanish and love
Mijo she said la sopa
Donde puedo poner esto
I said clutching a tub of miso soup.

I know our past has been ugly; I made you feel so low about yourself. To say it was what I learned would completely discount the pain I put you through. I really did want to push you to be better. But I did so many things wrong.

There’s nothing I want more than to give myself to you as a changed person. Patient and understanding, guiding but not controlling, exciting and loving, I want to give you myself as my own man. Give you your space and time, be by your side through everything, to take you to all the restaurants, to take photos of you because I want to show you I think you’re beautiful. There’s a disconnect with how I saw things and how you saw things. I want to listen to you fully to weigh your words and thoughts. I’ve been humbled. This isn’t to say you weren’t at fault too, but you have nothing to apologize for. You needed to become your own person because I couldn’t set your boundaries. Respect yourself and your needs, and I will respect you. That’s what I meant when I said other people would treat you the same. It wasn’t to curse you or spite you. I wanted to say I think people have to change themselves if they want people to treat them differently. I was scared for you too… The strangest part is we both didn’t treat ourselves right, so we ended up treating each other wrong. But I’m done being penitent. I am happy. I am practicing every day. The days are so much prettier. The laughs are so much more sincere. I love you I say to my parents. I love you I say to my sister. I love you I say to Spencer. I’m happy to be useful I say to my boss as I bring in the donations. I’m happy you’re in my life I say to Khari. Buddha, God, something greater than I, I am blessed I made it through. But I want to say I love you to you the most.

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alanwrites

unadulterated writing straight from my head entiendoenglish@gmail.com