The eyes roved. Millions of eyes flickered. It was a daunting task to hold contact with them. They had this piercing effect, this ability of honing into my soul. And what did they see? What did they conclude about me?

The monolith groaned with the slow creaking of rusted machinery. The remnant of a soul at long last received its stimuli. It projected a shadow to my left, a silhouette I recognized immediately as mine. I stood there, haggard from my travels. The mistakes I was aware of were the first revealed. Refracted light, the deepest colors, leaped from the shadow. My burdens I’ve carried through a whole life, ghosts that haunted me. They were exhumed, animated by the energies I’ve poured into them. More and more escaped from the shadow, their bodies a shade lesser. I’ve done bad things.

Was I seeking penitence coming here? I’ve walked and haven’t stopped walking. I’ve always ascended the next step. Walking higher and higher. And then I was among the clouds. Ephemeral and moving. They were guiding me somewhere. I continued until I’ve arrived here before you.

Is there any redemption for honesty? Who can accept me? I’m seeking a connection, but it seems when I’m honest, people stray away from me. Then it is isolation. It is loneliness as I climb farther away from people. And what of you, God? I’m trying my best to change. I’m trying my best to become better. And it seemed I was at last given a blessing. But when I was honest she told me she was unsure of me. I understand. It’s an ugly thing to admit and to accept. I guess I’m here to ask you, God, is there any hope for me?

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alanwrites

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