Reckless

I’ve been flying down the freeways. My bumper got tore off because I backed up into a pole. My tire exploded as I ran over a pothole. Today, I put my head down while my car was getting checked, and I bumped the car in front me of me. Haha, I think I’m a recipe for disaster. Still, I think I’m taking things in a stride. Nothing is scarier than being in the ring. Nothing is more painful than the work outs I put myself through. Cut my hand opened and didn’t bother me one bit. Blood poured out , but it wasn’t anything compared to getting 5 hr tattoos or burning my hand. I guess I’m tougher now.

I had a great day. I think it’s because I was bringing happiness to many people. I went on a date, but got catfished. She was a very kind and lonely person. We ended up talking for hours, and I think she felt better after. Saw Khari after and took him out the house since it’s been a stressful time in his life. I’m happy I was able to talk to him through some shit he was working through. I never thought I could give him advice on things since I always held him in such high regard. I was on the fence to eat with my family, but I found out Anne was leaving for a month. Took them out to eat. They were happy, and Anne and I finally connected on a deeper level. She’s been going through a hard time. We talked about how fucked up our childhood was. We talked about how we’re not angry at our parents, but it still fucks with us; and we’re dealing with the wreckage. We talked about how we hated our home but now we’re losing it, we feel really sad. So many bad memories there, but it was ours… I got her some high quality weed and we talked the whole night. Now she’s off with her new boyfriend to her rotation. It was really nice having someone who understood what I went through. I just didn’t think I’d get it from my sister since we drifted.

I was so high I didn’t have a filter… And somewhere during the conversation I talked about you. “I’m worried I ruined men for her. I hate myself because I was just everything mom was to us. I just her to be happy, to find a person who will love her right.”

“It takes a lot for you to try to change. It shows a lot of character. I know so many people who don’t even try to change their past. You can’t do anything about you did. But it’s really amazing you’re trying to grow.”

We both teared up about how much we were abused, but we’re also finally able to laugh about it. We laughed a lot. Maybe it was the weed.

I’m feeling…more balanced.