I realize I have no connection to where I am and the people around me anymore. Maybe it’ll be better that I leave for good, move away for good. I still haven’t found the kind of relationships that push me forward. It’s been all on my own, and that’s amazing! I’m no longer afraid of driving. I can talk to anyone. I’m in the best shape of my life. I walk with confidence and my writing has been getting better. I’m incredibly hard working, and I feel as if I’m becoming uncommon among common people now. But no one helped cultivate this in me. It was just me… I think I’m longing for people to inspire me to better things, rather than always becoming that who inspires others. Is that a sign of a weakness? Maybe as David Goggins puts it, I want to be uncommon among the uncommon. I want to test my limits and be with people who have that same drive. I don’t see that around me… There’s just a lot of insecurity and people who won’t be honest with themselves, people who are really egotistic. Am I upset about this because I’m denying these aspects in myself again? I think I need today to just be alone and stew. Also i need to quit smoking. Sometimes i think it makes me more interesting as a person, but that’s stupid and weak shit.

Hope you’re doing well

Worth the listen if you’re feeling down. Whatever you’re going through, you can get past it.  He talks about overcoming abuse and a traumatic past. He really changed how I saw life and how my days go.

I box hard for 2 hrs before work, breaking my body everyday.
I work my ass off at work. Carrying heavy shit. Taking on more responsibilities. But those cookies are always a temptation…  Just scored another donation.
After work, I write for 2 & 1/2 hours.

People are looking to me as an example now. People are doing push ups with me at work. They’re jumping rope after work. People tell me I’m hardcore and people acknowledge me. My writing is getting attention. The best part is I don’t care. I finally understand I’m against myself. Be honest with yourself. Face your trauma.

I wasn’t self-pitying myself with my previous posts. I really did have to kill my previous self.  I’m not him anymore. And you don’t have to be who you were anymore either. We gotta be better. That’s our debt to each other; that’s what we both wish for.  Like I feel sad, but I’m just a sad person. I accept that and I know what I have to do to watch out for it. Don’t let the bad thoughts take over your mind. You’re better than the trauma I put you through. You’re loving, creative, and incredibly enduring. You’re compassionate and you’re the one person I know who has a bigger heart than me.

Eat not always because you’re hungry, but eat because you need to be strong to get through shit. It’s a lot better than a panic attack. You gotta sleep too. You know all this.  Good luck, bruh.

 

Tinder Dates

Girls with septum piercings will ruin your life
crazy girls who want to cheat
boring girls who think I’m a safe bet, 1st date
insecure, insecure, low self-esteem
these aren’t the people I want in my life
Girls I won’t call back
got me thinking I’m better off alone
why I gotta drop money on you
when I can buy myself new threads
All you people got me jaded
but the truth is I’m lonely
and I keep going back to this dumb app
I think it’s time I take a sabbatical
get high and sit on the beach kinda thing
too bad it’s been rainy
I’m good though, I’ve been hitting my goals
I’m as good as can be.