Time Time Time

A clock tick tick tick
like molasses drip drip drip
piano keys in a dusty room
unyielding to the metronome
my hesitant hands, my searching eyes
my nervous heart. Myself in time
One day. Some day. This day.
Not here, not now I had wished
I had always wished.

Sunlight in the room
laptop keys click click click
words from my sleeves
and a smile from my lover no more
my hesitant hands, my searching eyes
my nervous heart. Myself in time.
This day. Always, I thought.
I had wished.

People breathing
like a monk’s mokugyo
snick snick snick
I am a kid listening
I am an adult stretching
my hesitant hands, my searching eyes
my nervous heart. Myself in time.
Some day, I’ll find it
in another time, another place.

Today, I am melancholy
these thoughts unyielding
day by day, a slow march
the ticking of seconds
the passing of minutes
hour by hour until I am in another time and place.
One day. Some day. This day.
I had always wished.

I’m practicing mindfulness more. Sometimes I notice I’m just going through the motions. Sometimes I’m longing for the past. Sometimes I’m longing for a better future. There’s no peace in either. I think the best I can get is just savoring whatever I have in the moment. I try to really taste the food I’m eating now. Chew slower. I try to stop and stare at the sky a little longer. I try to enjoy my workouts, and the burning pain. I try to enjoy the beauty of the places I’m fortunate enough to see. It’s cool I do a lot of interesting things now. I’m happy for my tattoos. I’m happy for a place to stay. I’m happy for the interesting people I’ve met. I’m happy I’m doing an incredible job. It’s a practice everyday to appreciate what you have in a way. And it’s one thing to say it, write it, but it’s another thing to actually feel it.