Honestly the whole time I was watching this movie, I kept thinking about how I wanted to go back in time to be with you again. Shit from game of thrones too like death is forgetting, or the “perils of self-betterment.”


For whatever reason when I saw this as a kid, I thought squidward had a wife or something haha, and I was like woah that’s super depressing for this show. Then I realize it was just a joke about adulthood and dead dreams. Seeing this image now, I reflect that both ideas are true for me. I am squidward is what I’m saying. Haha no, but kinda. Recently I had to let go of a dream and I have to let go of you. Because I’m stuck in the past, and no matter how much I want to make things right I know I don’t deserve that opportunity. I’m full of doubt whether that’s even possible in this life either. Because losing love is reality… right? Or maybe it’s that there’s more than one person for you is reality. I can accept that truth but I can also accept that it’s not the reality I would willingly accept. It’s a little silly to admit, but sometimes I think about how I want to make you proud of me. I want to think that if the past you somehow knew I would become this man, you’d fall in love with me again. This is all very romanticized.

A friend told me that I gotta just keep going and see where life takes me; that somehow things will work themselves out. It’s nice to have that affirmation. She also pointed out that I question things a lot. It’s a good point, and I should sometimes just take things as they are.