Hamburger Helper

The home sat on a floating cloud, always moving through the skies. It was the place I felt safest, but I could never find it in the same spot. I am not the same boy. I only long for that feeling. Sometimes I forget I am a man now. The life of a man is loneliness.

Before I found sleep, I had a fleeting epiphany. I lost it as my mind drifted to lesser things. I didn’t want to let this thought go. I swam back to it. A few years I tried to figure out my purpose. At some point, I said to myself I wanted to support those who need me. A wave of comfort and relief rushed over me; my mind rested. I am everything I wanted to be. Though I curse my fate and the hand I was dealt, it is everything I had wished for…

Damaged people kept coming into my life. Why I found myself asking? Why me? I cannot help these people. But I did. I always did. Whether it was financial, emotional, or even counsel. I helped an ex criminal with his family. I helped crazy cat lady. I helped a homeless man. I successfully helped each of my coworkers with their endeavors. I help my family. I help those who need help. I am a helper. And then I realized your family and you never needed my help. I needed help from you and your family. Thank you for helping me.

Who am I? I am a helper. I get to help people for a living, but it is not how I want to help people. Sure, I get donations for people who need help. But it is not fulfilling in the way I need it to be. Anyways my boss and coworkers insisted I take a day off to rest this week. So here I am not entirely sure what I should do… I skipped boxing already.

I thought I wanted to forge on ahead. Go explore some part of LA or Hollywood. Maybe I should travel and see the world, but as I delved into myself, I realized I don’t want any of that, at least not today. Today I want to go to place I use to call home. I want to see my dogs. It’s been some time now. It’s laundry day as well.