The Art of Loneliness

Reverb for those solo echoes, no one will save you. Frank Ocean understands me.  No, I understand you, Frank O! Time spent in my head, high all the time thinking. Addict to all things: cigarettes, sugar, sadness, you. I’ve been here again. Watch the planes for my dad when I ran away from home. Watch my dad stare at the planes. You realize you’re not anyone’s 1. And you realize you’re not your own 1. Solo travel is cool, being alone gets old. In prison, among rapists and murderers,  the worst thing you can do to punish someone is to keep them alone. I watched the stars wondering if somehow I can make you come back just like how you watched the stars for my happiness. I am a lone wolf, but life isn’t fiction -you don’t want to be the antihero in real life. Been exiled from my real pack, not my starter pack. Self exiled from home home. Back then being alone meant death. If you were ostracized from the pack, you were most likely going to die either by predator or by nature’s will. Is it selfish to say only you can make me happy?

***

I got a few loving texts from friends. Maybe this is my journey – learning to be happy without romantic love. My coworkers love me. My family loves me. I’m doing well, doing a lot, more than I thought I could ever do.  Maybe loneliness isn’t an art, just an artifice.

And maybe if I can find love here and now, I can find love again…

Manny Pacquiao’s coach said I was hardcore! He also called me a dense motherfucker haha