Today I’m reflective of what it means to be a man. I guess it came from boxing class. One of the guys, who’s always calling everyone a pussy, was injured. This guy is a real meathead sometimes, who gets super aggressive during sparring. But we’ve gotten close since we always fight. Anyways, I kinda get why he’s the way he is. It seems like the only answer he had for life and all its shit was to fight back harder, to grit his teeth and to push through the pain. I imagine he came from a childhood that punished boys for being emotional or expressing being hurt. He bears the weight of his family, and so he has no choice but to act, hold everything in, and be stronger. I’m not saying these things are only true of men, but I do think it’s on the fringes of toxic masculinity – thus it must be a masculine problem.
I helped him stretch out his back. I’ve had a similar tightness, and I learned a lot of the problem stems from tight hamstrings, uneven legs, and an over dependence on the back muscles (rather than core). He was very thankful, and I got the feeling this dude doesn’t get people saying good job to him ever, or even trying to help him out. This might be projection, but I think I understand why he’s the way he is; I’ve felt that suffocating feeling before.
Being a man of my word is important; do what I say. There’s also this expectation to bear pain. To shrug off any attack as if they don’t hurt. To never let words hurt you. To be immovable. But the truth is the most masculine men are the most fragile. It’s all in the head, and it’s a spiral of self-hatred, self-denial, and constant pressure.
Removing Ego is important to a lot of things in life. But at the same time, Ego is important fuel for success… I shaved my beard and mustache, and many people have remarked I look like a 12 year old. Come on man! But I’m committed to this look for a while. Also my raw tattoo got punched today. OOF that was not fun.
Hope you get to play this with your family. I’m just barking at the wind like a lunatic.