She’s not the one & I’m a little dead inside

I made her fish tacos, which I’m surprised came out really well. We had a picnic by a lake. Then we went to the Rose Bowl, where we walked around the entrance’s fairgrounds. She’s quite the eater so we got nachos, popcorn, lemonade, and other snacks. We hiked up to this neighborhood where a bunch of people were waiting for fireworks. When the first one exploded, I recoiled because it was so close! She curled up next to me during the fireworks show, but things simply didn’t feel right. She’s not the one for me. We ended the night agreeing we weren’t looking for anything serious. And that’s the last time I’ll see her.

In order to find the right partner, you have to first know the qualities you need her to have. Well I’ve been thinking about this and I would appreciate these things in a woman: punctuality (time is valuable because you can’t have it back), compassion, a strong sense of self, open-mindedness, a giving nature, independence. My therapist said in order to find these things, you have to manifest these aspects in yourself. Although I’ve always been orientated to search for love in life, I do think I have to focus on developing myself in all directions. Maybe I need to let the hopeless romantic part of me die. It always seems like I’ll find something when I stop looking for it.

Some lessons in life I’ve stumbled across:

-People are out for their own interests (a situation of mutual benefit is ideal)
-Demeanor and outlook are crucial to how one’s life plays out
-Pain can be overridden
-Fear, depression, anxiety are biological problem-solving mechanisms
-Confrontation and conflicts are inevitable – better to be a samurai in a garden than a gardener in a war field
-Expect the worst and hope for the best
-Caring less and doing more is a good solution for me
-I exist separately internally and externally; the only way to bridge the two is to live truthfully to who I am
-A person only has 1 life, and that should mean a person should live that life in every way he wants to live that life (unless that entails intentionally hurting others, or bringing pain to others).
-Try something before saying it’s not for you…
-Letting people help you can be an act of compassion