Today was a good day

Toy story 4 brought me laughter and tears. I haven’t enjoyed a movie like this for a long time. I got major themes of letting go of the past, and looking forward to life’s possibilities. There were undertones of finding love, being abandoned, and learning to love again (as well as allowing oneself to be loved again). I know you’re supposed to identify with protagonists, but I really connected with Woody’s story, especially his stupidly loyal personality and his nostalgic outlook. It’s this idea that life will pass you by if you hang too closely to things and people who are no longer around.

These days, I hurt less from you. Some days, I’m happy again. There’s a girl I’m excited to see when she comes back from her trip. It’s a sad reality (and maybe not), but I’ll try to be better than who I was for her. And maybe in some universal, karmic sense, it’s the way I can pay tribute to our time together. And if not for her, then someone more worthy. Though I have a good feeling about her.

I jumped into the deep end at the pool – several times! A year ago, I couldn’t swim. But I faced my fear by swimming in the ocean. I’m happy to see my friend, and he seemed to really like my gift. It was nice, talking and seeing the comfort I can bring to people. Earlier in the morning, I hugged my friend’s mom who was stressed about work and I talked to her about not worrying about my friend because he’s becoming someone capable. At night, I brought joy to my family when they were fighting. I cracked a few jokes and talked about how we need to come together as a family. Although I lost you, I still have so much in life: friends, family, myself, my talents, my discipline etc.

I guess this is weird to say but I’m liking the person in the mirror. He’s the hardest working at my job. He’s the hardest working in boxing. He’s the kindest person I know. People tell me this a lot. People call me hardcore. They look to me to take charge. They look to me for instruction. And I do my best. I like this version of me…

My therapist was saying how she believed my true self is finally coming out. She theorized that given my childhood, given my past self, I was always trying to be someone I thought I had to be to help him or her or whomever. But lately, this is the real me emerging. And although I scream to myself in public and speak gibberish in the supermarkets, I’m starting to see the effect of my presence. I’m becoming someone amazing. I’m kicking ass at work. I’m applying to USC, a prestigious school, and I’m doing my best every day to face my demons. I’m mentally stronger. I’m physically in top shape. Sorry, this isn’t meant to be a bragging session. It’s just to say… maybe I can enjoy the fruits of my labor… even for a little.

Even then, life keeps going and so should I…. I’m trying everyday! I remember I was walking to my car one day and I just screamed I’m trying my best! This lady looked to be like wtf haha.