Hunger

I’ve never been stronger. But I have to keep becoming stronger . I need to rise to the occasion to handle these things:

-my new position with greater responsibilities, becoming a leader
-paying for tuition and getting most out of a tough master’s program
-taking on a mortgage for my parent’s new home
-finding a new place for myself
-becoming a whole enough person to date, to bring happiness to my family
-cut down on sugar and cigarettes

I think I need to bring back that hunger when I first started boxing. My reluctance to face pain is showing from my training. Tomorrow I will face my 40% and see if I can overcome it. Anyways, I’ve been watching a lot of Hajime No Ippo.  No character has captured my personality as much as Ippo. He’s so lame like me. But it’s pretty inspiring to watch and the visuals are pretty accurate as to how much it hurts to be in a fight or getting smacked in the face.

These shonen animes can be lame, but there’s this constant theme throughout them. It’s the idea of rising to the occasion, self-growth, and facing pain. And how incredible growth can be! I need to remind myself that I’m strong enough to become someone capable of these things.

I went on a really great date with this girl, whom I’m trying not to think about. It was the most fun I’ve had in so long. We met at this restaurant I’ve been wanting to try. The food was really good. I got duck and she got scallops since she’s pescatarian. We stayed for hours there, talking more than eating. At some point we were like well we should probably leave. So we got ice cream and talked some more. She really liked the weird flavor I picked out. After she took me to her favorite bars around the area, and we just kept talking and learning more about each other. At some point, I mentioned that I’d like a cigarette. Her eyes lit up and she told me that she tried not to smoke before the date as well. We laughed about it, and ended up buying a pack to share throughout the night. People kept asking for some, and I was like yeah sure. She made me drink so I slowly become more relaxed. At some point we didn’t have a lighter, so I used the fire place to light a cigarette. Nearly burned eyebrows off, but we laughed about it. I haven’t stayed out that late for so long. I don’t know what to say. I want to see her again, but I don’t want to crowd her. She’s all about her independence. My heart feels full again?

I was really stressed out about finding a new place, but I know I’ll be OK in time. Sure I might not have enough for a while, but my raise will kick in and I’ll be fine. Life keeps going so I have to keep going. This week I need to:

-apply for financial aid, and finalize my admission
-work out harder than I’ve allowed myself
-secure a place to live, and possibly move out Saturday
-finalize my program at work and get that going 🙂
-and I’m really hoping to get a second date… but I don’t want to be let down again

 

 

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