Meathead ponderings

What does it mean to be a strong person? I’m still trying to figure this out. Maybe it’s a moving target. I think back to who I was, and I know he wasn’t a strong person. I read a sentence that hit too close to home: people want others to control them when they can’t control themselves. This was me. I couldn’t control my emotions, so I needed someone to control me… I had a panic attack after my therapy session a while back. It was about not having an anchor point to who I was. My therapist helped ground me, and it reminded me of how she tried back then. But the truth was I didn’t want to be helped back then, I just wanted to lash out because I was in pain. I didn’t know what it meant to be someone strong…

Anyways, I somewhat found out during training. There were moments when my body wanted to give up… but I was able to push past that pain. I tried running again recently and I was able to think back to moments when I was able to overcome pain. Then suddenly, I was running 6 miles. Then 10 miles the next day. So is it having control over yourself? Having control over your emotions, your baser instincts, your body…?

Hajime No Ippo and the mindset books both address this. I think there’s a point of humbling oneself… Like you have to accept the reality and gravity of the obstacle, and then try to transcend it. No lie, my second day running I was like I’m going to do 22 miles today! Nope, 10 kicked my ass just fine. Anyways, I’m breaking things down piece by piece lately. Financial aid, doing loan shit, moving out, balancing work shit.

I really gotta stay on top of things for school. I remember how things just slipped by me in undergrad. It’s just a little anxiety inducing being in these lulls, waiting for documents to process. Thank god I have boxing – I’m so happy I have boxing…