Old ass man

I had wandered to a bench overlooking faint city lights. I sat there in the dying day. August had come to an end. Change always feels less momentous. Things just kind of flowed onto the next stage, though there were many changes. Electrical towers and power lines ran from hill to hill. Above them, an airplane turned toward LAX. This is home, I thought, my parents would be happy here.

A strange vision washed over me. I was suddenly an old man. I was seconds from death. I thought of you. I thought of my family, and I closed my eyes. I thought of the people in my life that would come and go. And for some reason, dying alone on that bench seemed guaranteed. I fell asleep.

The feeling was reminiscent of ego death, though less powerful. It was peaceful. The sadness that plagued me finally lifted. I woke up a few minutes later feeling strange. My entire life had ran its entire course before me within seconds. It was like watching film. The silliest part was I saw us growing old together. And I had this thought like I lost you once, and now I’d have to lose you again but that’s OK because we filled that time with love and happiness. Maybe it was a vision of another life.

A girl I dated showed me this song